You Can Both Win The Chore Wars!
I had been frustrated by ten-year-old Noah’s lack of thoroughness, and what I considered poor effort in cleaning the bathroom. It dawned on me that I (Lynne) was expecting him to just know how to do it without ever actually breaking it down for him. So we started over and cleaned the bathroom together while I guided him in understanding and writing a step by step checklist of tasks that was then taped to the inside of the cupboard. This was a far more effective approach.
Years later, Jim and I spoke with Mark Holmen, a nationally known speaker who trains church leaders and parents to guide children’s faith development. His teaching format peaked our interest, as we realized it has lots of implications for how parents interact with kids. Instead of taking the common approach of explaining to parents what they should do, Mark’s highly effective program follows this format:
1) Motivate people.
2) Model what you’re asking for.
3) Practice with them.
4) Provide resources to help with follow-through.
What a great teaching format to help our kids be successful at accomplishing a challenging task!
1) Motivate – Start by asking children what they think are the reasons to do the chore. Help them feel like part of the family team, talk about the benefits to everyone when the chore is done well, how much you appreciate their help, how they are learning to be a hard worker, etc. Consider offering a fun activity together once they are done. You may want to communicate that certain fun privileges are on hold until after the chore is done, or that it needs to be done before dinner.
2) Model – Make sure you show them how to do the chore, but don’t forget to model having some fun while you do it.
3) Practice – Watch them do it with an eye for whatever they are doing well. Make sure your compliments outnumber your corrections.
4) Provide (resources) – Does your child need a checklist (or a few pictures if they are younger) to guide their efforts? Do they need all the supplies for the job collected in one spot or clearly labeled to avoid confusion?
That day when I worked with Noah and carefully trained him how to clean the bathroom, he didn’t feel ordered around, he felt like I was really invested in his success. Over time he became my most faithful bathroom cleaner – one of the more selfish reasons that I love it when he comes home from college! Win!
