The Talent Waiting To Be Discovered…. In Their Misbehavior!
John’s eyes pierced into mine. “No one has ever said anything like that to me!” he sternly said. I was sad that he’d lived nearly eighteen years and never heard the encouragement I’d offered. He was a jaded teen covered with piercings, tattoos, and tattered clothes. Clearly a teen living on the edge.
I had taken a list of all the bad things John said he does, and told him what skills were needed for him to do them. I told him that skipping school required good planning, that lying required creativity and a good memory, and that keeping up a smoking habit with little to no funds required great resourcefulness. I guess I stunned him a bit when I said, “That’s quite a list. You seem like a pretty talented kid. Imagine what might happen if you used those skills to do stuff that was good for you and others instead of harmful.”
The statement took him off guard and tears started forming in his eyes before he shook them off and changed subjects.
We are all created in God’s image. We can’t escape this fact. Of course there is a pressing problem—sin. We’re all born into it and it complicates and covers God’s image in us, putting a selfish spin on everything we do. Even when we have become “new creations in Christ” (see 2 Corinthians 5:17) we carry around the baggage of sin. So, as Paul says in Romans 7:21, “Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.”
It is good to call sin out and to help my children understand its power in their lives. But when my children misbehave, if all I do is focus on and punish the sin without calling out the goodness and image of God in them, they will begin to identify themselves with the sin, the misbehavior, or the problem they seem to be. When this happens, the children either openly rebel or they develop shame and resentment that makes them want to hide their sin from parents and ultimately from God. This makes true repentance difficult, if not impossible.
To help my children truly repent and turn away from their sin, they need a vision for what to turn toward, acting like the child of God they were created to be. If I’d have had more time with John I would have given a lot of energy to creating opportunities for him to use his skills in more constructive ways, even ways that could bless others.
With this Biblical vision for the potential of our children we can navigate our way through discipline with an eye not only for what needs correction, but for what is good that could be redirected. Whiny kids are persistent. Sensitive kids are usually compassionate, aware of feelings. Sassy kids are good communicators. When your kids misbehave in these ways, be sure to do more than just correct the misbehavior. Notice and affirm the talents beneath it.
Try to find ways to give those talents constructive outlets. And keep praying for the vision to believe that even in the worst of their misbehavior, your kids are exhibiting skills that, given the opportunity, God could put to Kingdom work!
[Photo Credit: Chris Rogers | iStockphoto.com]
