We’re excited to introduce you to Sukay, the newest addition to our parent coaching team, and to share with you a story from her parenting journey. (Feel free to leave her a note of welcome in the comments!)
Whether or not they verbalize it, kids often struggle with feeling like they are “bad kids” or that they are “naughty” when they misbehave. It can be tough for parents, especially in moments of frustration as our kids are acting out, to communicate the message that they are loved no matter what even if their behavior may be less than desirable. The following story is an example from my own family life of a time when I discovered a great opportunity to communicate this message.
David Mulder | Flickr
As we’ve all come to realize at certain points in our life, when we serve, the transformation often comes in our own hearts and not necessarily just in the hearts of those we’ve chosen to serve.
This point is illustrated by a powerful story I recently heard from a former coaching client.
For years I have struggled with the mess that our lively, spontaneous, creative, frequently disorganized children made at high speed. I used to call it “Trash and Dash.”
Since their father has somewhat more “relaxed” standards of housekeeping than I do, household messes were a constant battle in which I felt hurt, alone, and resentful.
She sat right in the front row. For the first three weeks of our class she had listened wide-eyed and engaged enthusiastically as we talked about the principles of Foundation and Connection. This day was different.
During the class she avoided eye contact and spent much of the time looking at the floor. She never spoke a word. After the class I approached her. “You seemed a bit distant today. Is everything OK?”
Today we’d like to share with you a story we received from a dad who has been impacted by Connected Families and seen change not only in his parenting, but also in his urban ministry in Ferguson, MO.
Brycen Marner is the founder of the Kulture, an urban ministry in North County Missouri. The Kulture exists to nurture lasting hope in all areas of life for youth and young adults through transformative relationships with peers, mentors and Jesus Christ.
Brycen (back center) and some kids from the Kulture
During the spring of 2015, Brycen and his wife Kacey took part in our Discipline that Connects online course. Their goal was to gain skills and wisdom in raising their young family. Brycen wasn’t expecting that what he learned would impact the work that he’s doing with youth of Ferguson through the Kulture. We sat down with him to learn more.
For I am convinced that
neither arguing nor defiance,
neither sibling conflict nor disrespect,
neither bad grades nor failure,
neither whining nor lying,
neither forgetfulness nor messes,
nor any other misbehavior
will be able to separate you from
my love or from God’s amazing Love.
as adapted by Connected Families
Take 10 to 15 minutes to find out your strengths and challenges with our free parenting assessment.
Recently we (Jim and Lynne) headed over to chat with Heather at the God Centered Mom Podcast.
Heather is the mom of four boys, and we had a wonderful and lively conversation about everything parenting — from our four core messages of safety, love, capability, and responsibility to how to break the cycle of shame and parent from God’s grace and truth.
You can listen to our conversation in two parts on her blog:
Have a listen and then let us know — what ideas resonate with you the most? Share in the comments!
Do you know any other bloggers or podcasters we should connect with? Send us a note and let us know!
If you ask most parents, they would say it’s important to love children unconditionally. But in practice, sometimes that’s harder than it sounds!
What exactly is unconditional love? What does it look like?
One thing’s for sure — unconditional love is not praise for positive behavior. When I express love in any context where children can possibly interpret my affection as conditional (based on their behavior), it loses its power as an expression of love!