What Tone are You Setting for Your Home?

positive tone parents

Harsha K R | Flickr

A mom of three kids ages 10 to 14 emailed me this story this week:

A friend once told me she worked to greet her children with enthusiasm, even if they had just come into the kitchen from the living room. I thought that might be a helpful way for me to consciously verbalize my enthusiasm for my kids, and so I began doing that a couple of years ago. “Hi, Sweetie! How’s that homework going?” “Welcome home from school!” “Hi, Hon! I saw you reading your new book in the family room. How is it so far?”

The funny thing is, the kids have all begun to do that with each other, even imitating my tone—and I don’t think they’re aware of it! When one of them leaves the house, the others jump up to hug them and to say, “Have fun! I love you!”

It is yet another reminder to me of the opportunity we have to set the tone for our home and how much it impacts our kids and their relationships, in ways we can’t possibly foresee.

Apply It Now:

  • If you could be a fly on the wall watching your interactions with your kids throughout the week, how would you describe the tone in your house? What kind of tone do you want to be setting?
  • What are some ways you could take advantage of the opportunity to set the tone for your home by “verbalizing your enthusiasm”? Brainstorm some phrases that you might say. (And feel free to share in the comments!)

The Most Effective Way to Teach Kids to Pray

pray teach kids

Cassidy Lancaster | Flickr

As parents, we want what’s best for our children, including a life of strong faith, values, and prayer.

Sometimes it can seem like a daunting task — how do I teach faith to my children? How do I help them understand things that sometimes I don’t even understand?

We may search for the “right words” to say, or the “right book” to recommend, or the “right youth group” to send our kids to — and these things are not unimportant. But the most powerful way for us to teach our kids faith, values, and prayer is to live them.

Why “It Is NOT OK to Talk That Way!” Doesn’t Work

Not Okay to Talk that Way (1)

There are many ways in which parents intentionally or unintentionally model positive character qualities: self-control, caring, diligence, faithfulness, etc.

But we can also model negative character qualities, especially when we’re not thoughtful!

When our eldest son Daniel and I got into power struggles, I was keenly aware of how disrespectful he was! But I was usually oblivious to my own angry, shaming words and tone.

With a scowl, pointed finger, and strong tone I would grandly announce,

                                “It is NOT OK to talk like that!”

My condescending proclamations were an attempt to feel in charge, but did nothing to calm the conflict.

Transforming Your Parenting: Lisa’s Story

transform your parenting online course

Today’s post comes from Lisa, a mom who wrote in to share with us how her experience with our online course has changed her parenting.


When I found Connected Families, we were struggling to get our kids to listen the first time — for everything from bedtime to getting ready to leave the house to eating the food we have prepared for dinner. There were sibling fights between our 5 year old daughter and 3 year old son. We wanted compliance from our children to make our lives easier, and we often yelled in frustration to get it. We wanted to get on the same page, be more consistent, and become parents that want to show our kids God’s grace through discipline and teaching – but our best efforts to get first time obedience were failing.

How to Influence Kids’ Technology Use

how to influence kids technology use

Image: Noli Fernan “Dudut” Perez | Flickr

 

Parents are constantly asking us about the best ways to manage their kids’ technology use. They generally want answers about what technology they can use to monitor and control things.

But kids are far smarter than most of their parents will ever be about using technology. So we very much agree with Dr. Charles Fay, lifelong Child Psychologist and parent educator who says:

“Real solutions to technology issues have little to do with technology… and almost
everything to do with relationships.”

“You’re the worst mom ever! Everybody hates you!”

Sometimes when parents make constructive parenting changes, things appear to get worse before they get better. This is because changes, even positive ones, throw kids off-balance. They live by a well-learned set of unwritten rules and it sometimes takes a while to grow comfortable with new “rules” of engagement. So they will often push even harder to test their parents resolve.

One of my coaching clients experienced this with her 9-year-old son, and gave permission to share it in hopes that it would help other parents.

Who Has the Time for This??

At a recent workshop, I talked about the importance of family meetings and gave some tips for when and how to have them.

Over the course of the workshop, I could see that a particular gentleman was completely engaged in the topic and that we had built some rapport based on his attentiveness, head nods (yeses, not sleeping!), and questions he asked.

At the end, he asked me a question in complete sincerity: “Family meetings sound great, but where could we possibly find the time to do them?”

Mirror Cells 101: Lynne’s Favorite Idea from the Online Course

Lynne here. Jim and I are thrilled that thousands of parents have had a chance to take our online course Discipline That Connects With Your Child’s Heart.

One of the things I really enjoyed as we planned and filmed this course was getting to put on my “occupational therapist” hat and dig into the neurology behind parenting interactions. Today I’d love to share with you about mirror neurons. Take a look!

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