Connected Families provides coaching for parents all over the world. Meet Chad Hayenga, one of the Parent Coaches and our director of Coaching who makes a difference in the lives of the people he serves.
When did you become a Parenting Coach for Connected Families?
I began coaching with Connected Families in 2012. Previously, I had worked as a marriage and family therapist for Connected Families. After a number of years providing therapy, often times to teenagers, I became frustrated that I was mostly teaching coping skills to teens rather than changing the family dynamic. It was at that point, I shifted to working almost exclusively with parents. Parents have such an enormous impact on their kids and when parents change, kids usually change as well.
Can you tell us a little about your background?
I’ve been married 23 years and have three daughters (22, 19, 15). I have a masters degree in counseling psychology and a certification in life coaching. I spent 10 years working with a ministry to at-risk teens before coming to CF.
What is your role as a coach for Connected Families?
I am the director of the coaching program at Connected Families. I am actively coaching a number of parents at any given time, but I’m also working to train other coaches who believe in our parenting model so they too, can become parent coaches using our life-changing framework.
What is your greatest passion when it comes to coaching families?
I absolutely love the time in a coaching session when a light bulb turns on for the parents. Often times it is the Holy Spirit showing them something about how God sees them as a parent or how God sees their children. When the parents’ perspective changes and they begin to focus on things they can control, amazing things happen.
What is the best part about coaching?
The best part about coaching is seeing parents develop a plan for becoming the parents they want to be and hearing how that plan has changed the direction of their family. It’s just awesome!
Learn more about Connected Families parent coaching.
Often, there are “lightbulb moments” that occur when parents come to us for coaching. Here is a great story shared by one client, Jerry, about his own epiphany regarding what it meant for him to be a father. You’ll be challenged and encouraged by the surprising turnaround that happened from one simple but deep insight that occured during coaching. He realized what changes he needed to make in his parenting to experience the relationships he longed for with his kids.
“My wife and I were in the midst of a Skype session with our coach Chad. We were discussing issues regarding the way I have responded to my children’s misbehavior. As we were talking, I reflected on my own father and the relationship that he and I had when I was growing up.
Disciplining our kids is usually the most frustrating, confusing part of parenting. The stakes are high, because what kids learn when they are disciplined will last a lifetime. In our work with parents, we have seen that well-intentioned efforts often miss kids’ hearts as parents struggle to figure out, “What is ‘biblical discipline,’ and how do I do it?”
As parents tackle this issue, we have found it extremely valuable to shift our focus from a few controversial proof texts to consider a broader view of biblical instruction on this matter. We’ve found it helpful to ask two questions in particular:
How did God the Father discipline key Old Testament saints that clearly had a “father-child” relationship with him?
What do we learn from Jesus’s response to struggling sinners?
How do we begin to be set free from life-long patterns of rigidity and control that affect lots of areas in our parenting lives? I remember when the kids would make endless messes or bicker repeatedly – it would drive me nuts! I just wanted it to stop. So I would engage with angst and negativity, and wonder why it wasn’t helping. Jim would ask me the question, “What are you going to do to be ok if they don’t change?” I hated the question. It made me even madder. But it was a good question. As I learned to look first at myself and my let go of my need for control, I could let God’s peace begin to infuse our challenges. I was able to engage with much more wisdom, insight, and even creativity, and became more effective in my parenting. I had to change my perspective about what was happening to me spiritually as a parent. It changed the way I disciplined. I began working toward long-term lifechange in my kids by starting with change in my own heart.
David Mathis, executive editor at DesiringGod.org, an online Christian website, and pastor at Cities Church in Minneapolis, shared how he made a small change in the way he viewed his role as a parent after taking the online Discipline That Connects course, and he shares below about how a shift in his thinking led to some big changes in the way he thought of himself as a parent…as well as how he thought of his children.
On Tuesday evening, September 20, Lynne spoke to a packed house at the Discipline That Connects book launch party about the most important messages that parents convey to their children in discipline. This four-level framework is the foundation of intentional, grace-filled parenting. Follow the link below to get a 10 minute audio clip of the message that Lynne shared with the crowd that evening. Listen to learn about building identity and why it is so biblical, and so crucial to character development in your child.
What you’ll learn:
- how Jesus lived his own life out of his identity
- how Jesus built identity in his disciples
- how we can build the same identity in our kids