Jim Jackson
Why Does Communicating “You are Safe” Matter?
Recently we received this excellent and thoughtful question from David, a long-time follower of Connected Families, about why we have “You are SAFE with me” as our foundational message for parents to communicate to children: Why is ‘safe’ the foundation…
Getting the Best Out of Our Kids
The way to get the best out of people is to orient people toward others. Think about it. When are you at your best? It’s almost always when you are contributing to the welfare of others. Certainly there are those…
Help Kids Handle “NO” by Getting Great at “YES!”
If you want your kids to respect and value your “no’s!” work harder on your “yeses!” It’s good to teach kids the various “No’s!” in life. The best foundation for doing this is to help them habitually experience the resounding…
One of my favorite parenting videos
At Connected Families we teach that focusing on getting right behavior as your primary goal is a setup for power struggles and frustrations of all kinds. We teach instead to focus primarily on the messages your kids get from you…
The Best Vacation Ever
Tom was worried about taking his family on a short mission trip to a South Dakota Indian reservation. He told me, “We’re really interested in this trip. We think it would be good for us and for our kids. But…
Skiing, Tears, and Grace
At a recent ski meet I found myself twice in tears for people I’ve never met. The first time was when a young competitor “skied out,” meaning he missed a gate and was disqualified from the race. Nearby his parents gasped…
When is defiance better than obedience?
I’ll never forget her statement. I was speaking to a grade-school teacher in a Christian school about behavior problems with her students. In the context of the conversation she actually seemed more upset about the obedient kids than the…
I Can’t Believe My 7-Year-Old Asked That!
I’ll never forget the day our firstborn came home in the fall of second grade with his right index finger moving back and forth through the circle he’d made with his left thumb and forefinger. “What’s this mean, daddy?…
Practical Ways to Connect in the Middle of Discipline [video]
Parents often think about how to connect with their children — but what we don’t always realize is that parents can connect even when children are misbehaving! (In fact, sometimes the middle of misbehavior is the most powerful time to…
Don’t stuff your kids’ feelings
Kids usually do the best they know how to express their feelings. The best they can do is usually quite immature and unrefined. A problem occurs when, instead of validating our kids’ best efforts to express their feelings, we minimize,…