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Is Your Child the Obliging Rule Follower? Listen to This. | Ep. 104

rule follower

Do you sometimes worry about your child who is a rule follower? Wait, what?! Don’t we want kids who follow the rules?

Parents often express their concerns about their defiant child. But rule-following? That doesn’t seem like a bad thing! And yet, we would suggest that these types of children come with their own set of challenges.

Compliance can be viewed on a scale, from healthy to unhealthy. A child who is “easy” may actually be emotionally unhealthy and struggling to “speak the truth in love“. In this podcast, we are focusing on the more unhealthy end of the spectrum. No matter where your child lands on this scale, you’ll find super helpful guidance here to build connection with your child.

In today’s podcast, Lynne Jackson (Co-Founder of Connected Families) joins our host, Stacy Bellward, to peel back the layers of what might be going on under the surface of our rule-following children. These kids often give us a “break,” which seems to make things easier. But there is the risk of their identity being built around people-pleasing and suppressing their own needs. Over time and into adulthood, they might miss out on how to navigate conflict, and difficult emotions, and struggle with perfectionism as well.

When you get curious and patiently work to draw out your child’s true feelings, you can help them get to the bottom of underlying struggles, and teach them to recognize their own needs and emotions. You can help them find their voice in the world, and communicate to them that they are loved and valued.

In this podcast, you’ll learn:

  • what healthy and unhealthy compliance looks like, and how to get in touch with what is going on under the surface in your child
  • practical ways to help you draw out your child and help them express their needs in a healthy way
  • how the  Connected Families Framework can help you navigate this process as you consider, “What’s going on in me as a parent?” and “What’s going on in my child?”
  • the healing power of God’s grace to break cycles and overcome shame-based parenting

Mentioned in this podcast:


In our online course, Sibling Conflict: From Bickering to Bonding, we teach parents how to teach kids The Peace Process. This process equips kids to work through their arguments without your constant supervision and refereeing. Join us! Your kids will thank you.

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A Connected Families Podcast
A Connected Families Podcast
Articles: 108
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