At Connected Families we teach that focusing on getting right behavior as your primary goal is a setup for power struggles and frustrations of all kinds. We teach instead to focus primarily on the messages your kids get from you about who they are.
The following video shows how the greatest basketball coaches think similarly. To build traditionally winning basketball programs, these coaches do not focus on winning (right behavior), but on the process of getting there.
In short, when you focus on the end desired result, you measure everything you do against that result and you end up getting discouraged. But when you focus on the process…
Apply It Now:
- Pick one process you’d like to focus on (i.e. room cleaning, or chores, or homework) and give some positive focus on effort instead of outcomes. What did you learn?
- What is the hardest part of applying this?