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Christmas Parenting: How to Celebrate with Holiday Joy, Not Regret
Do you have Christmas parenting moments you wish you could do over? The wonder of Christmas often collides with parenting reality. This may lead you to say things you wish you’d not said and do things you wish you’d not done, leaving a sour taste that dulls deep Christmas joy. Whether it is sharp words during gift opening or broken ornaments that trigger regret, these moments can cast shadows over our holiday spirit. But take heart – these struggles can become stepping stones to deeper family connection. How can you choose to let go of your regrets and instead focus on Christmas joy?
What exactly is “Christmas parenting”?
Christmas parenting often conjures a perfect vision inspired by others’ ideals. Picture these scenes: Advent begins with your family by the fireplace, reading a cherished Advent book, discussing the stories leading to Jesus’ birth, and decorating your custom-made Jesse Tree. Time is spent together baking gingerbread men, lighting candles, or sipping hot cider. Christmas Eve follows with a special dinner, Bible readings, carols, and stockings. Christmas morning dawns with you up before your children, the smells of cinnamon rolls wafting through your house . . . you get the idea. The perfect vision.
And, if you are a follower of Jesus, you are sincerely trying to celebrate and experience the holiness and excitement of His birth. But this too often leads you to expect perfection when, in reality, you’re imperfect. We all make mistakes, lose our temper, and our kids experience sensory overload. Christmas won’t be perfect, but it will be an opportunity to demonstrate the grace that Jesus’ incarnation brought to us all.
The problem: Regret makes Christmas parenting harder than it needs to be
As a parent, you may be carrying the weight of past holiday mishaps:
- Becoming overly stressed about perfect holiday details
- Reacting harshly when children don’t show appropriate gratitude
- Missing meaningful moments because of focusing on the wrong things
- Letting holiday chaos override your intention to create sacred moments
Even though your holiday parenting hasn’t looked all that perfect in the past, regret doesn’t have to prevent you from finding joy this year.
The solution: reframing regret as opportunity
One way to think about holiday regrets is to realize regret is simply shedding light on some things that happened in the past. During this “season of light,” there might be more opportunities than usual for that light to shine— and you might not like everything you see. 😉
4 ways to reframe Christmas parenting regret
1. Understanding genuine regret.
It’s essential to understand regret – the ‘what ifs’ stemming from choices that didn’t align with your values. Regret can be an opportunity to “undo” or make things right—it can give us a chance for a do-over! By acknowledging its gentle whisper, you can respond with self-compassion, guiding your heart—and your family—toward redemption and grace.
2. Practice grace-filled truth-telling.
Instead of self-criticism, try gentle and truthful reflections. By openly processing mistakes in a healthy way, you’ll model for your kids the value of vulnerability and growth.
3. Use the “at least” strategy.
When faced with challenging circumstances, researcher Dan Pink says, “Think about a silver lining or how things could have turned out worse and then finish the sentence, ‘At least…’” This is a simple yet effective tool to shift your focus towards a more resilient and optimistic mindset.
Connected Families Certified Parent Coach Dijea Young tells this story:
“Years ago, one of my sons, who I believe is a natural gift-giver, demonstrated his thoughtful nature. To this day, he pays close attention to what people say or what he thinks they might appreciate. When he was in elementary school, he noticed that I wanted to paint some old stools black for our kitchen island.
One day, while I was out, he decided to surprise me. He knew I had already bought the paint, so he got the stools and the paint and started the job. However, he hadn’t finished by the time I returned home. My response was at first stern and condescending, maybe even seemed angry to him. Reflecting later on how I handled the situation, I wish I had responded differently. But instead of living in regret about it, I chose to move forward without dwelling in regret or shame. I’m grateful that I remained mostly calm, and I wish I had praised my son for his kind intentions and then worked alongside him to finish painting the stools together. In this reflection, I am extending grace to myself and painting a picture of hope for how I can respond with grace to others.”
4. Extract valuable lessons.
Did you know regret can actually be a map for you to follow to discover what matters most to you? Look back at what you felt regret about to better inform what is truly important to you. Pray for grace to use those insights to help you do things differently next time.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)
True Christmas parenting success: moving forward with hope
Imagine navigating holiday challenges with confidence, free from the weight of past parenting guilt. You can equip yourself with tools to turn mistakes into teaching moments while cultivating a home filled with love, grace, and growth.
Here’s what this shift in mindset can look like in practice:
- Connection before correction shows your child they are loved no matter what. Picture this: your child accidentally breaks a cherished ornament. In that moment, it’s crucial to take a deep breath and pause before reacting. Remember, the feelings and well-being of your child hold far greater value than any material possession. This grace-filled approach helps to nurture trust and understanding, reinforcing the message that they are loved no matter what. (This doesn’t necessarily mean there are no consequences for breaking the ornament…it just means you want to be thoughtful about your response in the moment.)
- Planning proactively can transform anticipated challenges into experiences where everyone feels cared about. Reflect on the past to prepare for the future. Perhaps last year’s celebrations were marred by naptime meltdowns. This year, you can thoughtfully schedule rest to ensure a more peaceful and joyful season. This intentionality not only supports your child but also fosters a sense of calm and confidence within your family.
- Model growth for your children by openly acknowledging your own mistakes and striving for positive change. Show them how to learn from life’s inevitable missteps. This transparency is a powerful tool in teaching responsibility and resilience, empowering them to understand they are called and capable of making better choices.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11)
We have a podcast about this!
Check out Ep. 208 “Unwrapping Regret: Making Peace with a Parenting Fail” to hear more about this topic.
The stakes: why choosing Christmas joy over perfection and regret matters
Remembering that Jesus offers new beginnings and not burdens from past regrets is comforting! By healthily processing your parenting regrets, you model God’s grace for your children, create space for authentic connections, and build stronger relationships. This freedom allows you to truly experience joy in every family moment. That’s a form of Christmas parenting that may or may not be “magical” but is absolutely life-giving.
The story of Christmas reminds us that hope arrives in unexpected packages. Your holiday regrets can become the very thing that transforms your parenting journey—just as a humble manger held the Gift that would transform the world. Instead of striving for perfection, let your Christmas parenting be the start of a new connective and grace-filled all-year-long parenting.
“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what lies behind and straining toward what lies ahead.” (Philippians 3:13)
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