A confession from a Connected Families employee…

I’ve read a ton of Connected Families content over the past couple years and, now that I’m on staff, I’m reading even more. By now, you could say that the Connected Families Framework has become ingrained in my psyche.

I want to be a safe person for my kids.
I want to connect well with my kids.
I know that discipline is about helping my kids grow in wisdom rather than obey the first time, every time.

And I know that behavior change isn’t why I try to implement these principles. But even though I know all this, I still want so desperately to fix my kids’ behavior.

Recently in a team meeting, we were discussing why Connected Families exists: Parents all over the world raising kids for whom God’s grace and truth are palpable.

Period. That’s it! Nothing about behavior!

The selfish part of me wants to add on to the vision statement: “Parents all over the world raising kids for whom God’s grace and truth are palpable, so they change their behavior and obey their parent!” or “so they are kind and respectful to their parents, siblings and others!”

The absence of that second part of the sentence struck me like a brick and has, again, transformed the way I parent my two amazing gifts from God.

Now, when my eldest overreacts and becomes ugly when I suggest he take a shower — or when my youngest clearly ignores me when it is time for chores — I remind myself, This is not easy. And it is not about getting “right behavior” with intimidation or behavior modification strategies. It’s about making God’s grace and truth palpable, so my kids can feel Christ’s love, even when they misbehave.

With this as my goal, I trust the transforming power of God’s grace and truth to shape my kids (and their behavior) in the long run, knowing the impact God’s grace has had on my life.

So I take a deep breath. And smile.

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