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good consequences for misbehavior

Correct With Good Consequences

Wait what… you still need good consequences?!

Remember that first time your sweet little toddler obviously knowingly did something wrong? Whether they bit their brother in anger or snuck off to test out the socket, there’s always a sinking feeling in that first obvious reckoning with your child’s tendency to do the wrong thing.

And guess what? It wasn’t the last time either.

That’s why good consequences that teach your children wisdom are important.

Before we get to good consequences, you need a good framework

We’re jumping ahead of ourselves. Hopefully, you’ve worked your way up to this point by going through the other levels of the Connected Families Framework already.

We start at the bottom and we work our way up:

CF Framework 4Actions4Messages 1


“You are SAFE with me.”

Before you get to correcting your child, make sure you’re consistently building on a foundation of safety. We take every thought captive in order to prepare ourselves to respond in an emotionally safe way to our kids’ inevitable struggles.


“You are LOVED no matter what.”

Connect before you correct. Connect while you correct. Connect while your child misbehaves. This IS the only opportunity to show unconditional love, and it is absolutely radical and counter-cultural.


“You are CALLED and CAPABLE.”

Set your kids up for success by identifying their strengths and teaching them how to use them wisely! Meet your kids like a coach on a sports field, instead of as an adversary, and practice good behavior. Learn to build wisdom with great questions.

Good consequences teach “You are RESPONSIBLE”

Even if you were perfect at communicating, “You are safe, loved, and called and capable,” your kids would still sometimes choose to do the wrong thing. Because they’re not perfect, and neither are you.

The “Correct” level of the Framework is where our kids get to reckon with the reality of making mistakes, learning grace, and doing our best to make things right again.

First, learn the art of using consequences.

Consequences That Actually Work

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