Wait what… you still need good consequences?!
Remember that first time your sweet little toddler obviously knowingly did something wrong? Whether they bit their brother in anger or snuck off to test out the socket, there’s always a sinking feeling in that first obvious reckoning with your child’s tendency to do the wrong thing.
And guess what? It wasn’t the last time either.
That’s why good consequences that teach your children wisdom are important.
Before we get to good consequences, you need a good framework
We’re jumping ahead of ourselves. Hopefully, you’ve worked your way up to this point by going through the other levels of the Connected Families Framework already.
We start at the bottom and we work our way up:
“You are SAFE with me.”
Before you get to correcting your child, make sure you’re consistently building on a foundation of safety. We take every thought captive in order to prepare ourselves to respond in an emotionally safe way to our kids’ inevitable struggles.
“You are LOVED no matter what.”
Connect before you correct. Connect while you correct. Connect while your child misbehaves. This IS the only opportunity to show unconditional love, and it is absolutely radical and counter-cultural.
“You are CALLED and CAPABLE.”
Set your kids up for success by identifying their strengths and teaching them how to use them wisely! Meet your kids like a coach on a sports field, instead of as an adversary, and practice good behavior. Learn to build wisdom with great questions.
Good consequences teach “You are RESPONSIBLE”
Even if you were perfect at communicating, “You are safe, loved, and called and capable,” your kids would still sometimes choose to do the wrong thing. Because they’re not perfect, and neither are you.
The “Correct” level of the Framework is where our kids get to reckon with the reality of making mistakes, learning grace, and doing our best to make things right again.
First, learn the art of using consequences.
Consequences That Actually Work
Sign up for our practical, grace-filled newsletter and download the Consequences That Actually Work ebook free.
Our latest on correcting your children
Practical Tips To Turn Uncontrolled Emotional Outbursts Into Big Wins
Your child is struggling. Again. They are frustrated and unload their stress on everyone around them in an uncontrolled emotional outburst. It might be a classic toddler tantrum or an older child stuck in explosive patterns. How can you turn these tough times into a big “win”? A win where resilience is learned and your…
Empowering Your Differently Wired Child | Ep. 124
Do you have a child who is wired differently? You’ve probably felt frustrated or discouraged at times about how to support your child through daily routines or going to school. It may be challenging to know what your child needs and offer that at the right time. In today’s podcast, Katie Wetsell and Corrie Thetford…
Old vs. New, Don’t vs. Do
Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash Do you have a bunch of rules for your kids? No hitting. No whining. No screens before homework is done. No messes in the living room. Having rules provides structure, and some basic ones are essential. When your kids struggle with obeying the rules, do you ever try…
Top Ten Connected Families Blog Posts of 2022
Each year, it’s fun to look back and see which of our blog posts seem to have had the biggest impact on the parents coming to our website. Without further ado, here are (in no particular order) the TOP 10 blog posts of 2022 on the Connected Families website! (Spoiler alert: these blog posts cover…
The Gospel in Our Parenting, Part 2 | Ep. 117
Today’s podcast is part two of a series on how the gospel informs the Connected Families Framework. Part one explored the gospel in the first three layers of the Framework. Today’s conversation will unpack how the gospel is woven into the final level of the Framework: Correct: “You are RESPONSIBLE for your actions.” Stacy Bellward…
Consequences vs Punishment: What’s the Difference?
If you’ve been parenting any time at all, you likely have made a significant discovery: Despite your most graceful efforts to stay calm, connect well, and guide them with grace, your kids still misbehave. So what do you do in those moments? Most parents, even thoughtful parents, try to put in place some consequences for…
Coaching Your Kids to Make It Right | Ep. 111
Do you sometimes struggle to think of an appropriate consequence for your child’s misbehavior? Or dole out punishment only to have your child refuse to accept the punishment? Sigh. Offering consistent and effective discipline can feel like an ongoing and overwhelming challenge. In today’s episode, Chad Hayenga (Connected Families Director of Education & Equipping), and…
Am I Too Soft? Setting Limits When You Feel Like a Pushover Parent
Knowing when to stand firm as a parent and when to extend mercy can be a difficult challenge. And even if you’ve figured out it’s time for firmness, you still need the determination and focus to follow through in the face of strong resistance from your kids! How can you be better about setting limits when…
Should I Require Immediate Obedience from My Child?
A thoughtful and biblical look at this challenging question
How Can I Get My Child to Obey? | Ep. 78
Does God require your kids to obey immediately? Immediate obedience is probably a familiar concept to you. And, to be quite honest, it’s a hot-button topic! If you’ve ever asked yourself, “How do I get my child to obey?” then this is the podcast for you! Or maybe you feel like your demands for first-time obedience…