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Effective discipline doesn’t start where you think
It is inevitable that your kids will misbehave. After all, they’re human! Side note: same goes for you. 😉
How you respond when your child misbehaves will build identity messages that last a lifetime. You would never intentionally send messages such as, “You are a problem.” or “You are irresponsible.”
However, these are often the types of messages kids perceive… and those messages can potentially build a lifetime identity.
The problem is, as parents, we usually want to start discipline by addressing misbehavior. But effective discipline is ultimately not about behavior. It’s about wisdom and identity. Effective discipline is discipleship!
Effective discipline starts with you
Connected Family’s framework for effective discipline turns many of your parenting instincts upside down. Instead of starting with your child’s misbehavior, the Framework starts with YOU.
What’s going on inside of me? The Framework invites you to ask this question FIRST. From there, you can learn to connect with your child’s heart, even in the middle of this challenging discipline moment.
Learn to respond to misbehavior with wisdom and grace
Your job, as a parent, isn’t to have perfectly behaved shiny children; It is to learn how to parent wisely. Your child’s job, over time, is to learn how to respond wisely.
Watch this short video to learn how The Connected Families Framework works in all discipline situations. Then scroll down and choose the right next step for you.
Get your FREE ebook
To get a good overview of the Connected Families Framework (and understand how the way you discipline develops identity-based messages) read the FREE ebook 4 Messages Every Child Longs To Hear.
Then check out the articles below, as you work through the levels of the Connected Families Framework.
Not ready to read everything at once?
No problem. Sign up for our “Discipline That Connects” email sequence and you’ll receive a 4-part email series to get you started.
Dig deeper and transform your parenting
Twice a year we offer an in-depth, 8-session online parenting course called Discipline That Connects. If you want to join the next cohort, add your email below, so you don’t miss the announcement when registration opens.
Our latest on effective discipline
Give Yourself Grace With the Do-Over | 196
In this episode, Jim and Lynne Jackson talk with Ruth Wharton about the transformative power of “do-overs.” They unpack how this practice mirrors the gospel…
Hitting & Biting: How the Right Consequence Might Be Simpler Than You Think
Hitting and biting are really difficult phases for some kids. It’s completely natural if all your mama or papa bear instincts come out to protect…
Strengths and Weaknesses: What a Child’s Misbehavior Tells Us | Ep 195
When faced with your child’s misbehavior, it’s tempting to focus on their weaknesses: poor emotional regulation, lack of self-control, or dishonesty. But what if you…
Focus on the Good: The Surprisingly Awesome Thing About Your Child’s Misbehavior
Focusing on the good is powerful. “No one has ever said anything like that to me!” The rough-looking teen’s tough veneer had softened. I (Jim)…
Payoffs & Accidental Rewards: How to Focus on the Right Stuff | Ep. 194
Have you ever noticed bad behavior increasing the more you attempt to quell it in your child? You might be facing a situation of payoffs,…
20 Beautiful Empathy Statements to Show Kids You Really See Them
In stressful interactions, do you ever think of what you wish you’d said to your kids about five minutes too late? If you’ve got a…
Agape Love: The Surprising Time Your Child Needs It Most | Ep 193
Showing love is easy when your child is doing well, but what does it look like to extend selfless agape love to a child who…
Safe in God: Why Bravery Comes From Our Security in Christ & Why It Matters
Is God safe? Are we safe in God? When I think about the giants of the Christian faith, “safe” isn’t the first word to describe…
How to Talk to Your Child About Difficult Topics (Part 2) | Ep. 192
Expanding on last week’s episode, Josh and Rachel Keller use role-plays to show how you can engage in a difficult conversation with your child. They…
The Goal Was to Ask More Questions and Tell Less, But…
If you’ve read much of our content before, you might have picked up on the fact that we like questions. In fact, I often encourage…