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“I aimed for perfection as a mom and it just slayed me.”

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Each year, Connected Families offers our online course Discipline That Connects With Your Child’s Heart and hundreds of parents enroll and take the course. Nichole, a mom with six kids, was one of those parents. 

Here are excerpts from Nichole’s thoughts on how she has communicated the message “You are LOVED no matter what” with one of her daughters: 

One morning, I had to get my 10-year-old up and going. When I came into her room I laid out her clothes and walked out. I caught myself and realized I had skipped the most important part and checked my own heart. I was focusing on my own list and not connecting with my daughter.  I went back in and calmly said, “Hi! Is there anything I can help you with? I’m sorry, I kind of barked at you. I’d like a do-over here.” I need as many do-overs as my kids do!

Remembering the message, “You are loved no matter what made me want to make sure she knew, “I’m here for you.” She’s almost 11, she can do this on her own. But this message conveys that she and I are “good” and that usually changes the trajectory of the whole day. 

Everyone wants to be seen, heard, and understood.

That piece, “You are loved no matter what” is so profound. Everyone wants to be seen, heard, and understood. This is about me coming alongside her and being able to focus on the end result. Staying connected makes coaching your child that much easier, and as a result, much less correction is needed. Whenever I use the ‘”You are loved no matter what” approach with my daughter she melts. She can be a hard nut to crack but she has never rejected me when I humble myself first and then work to connect with her heart.

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I used to aim for perfection as a mom and it just slayed me. I’m flawed, you’re flawed, we are all flawed. We just need to aim more at grace than we do perfection. As a result, I now give my kids permission to be imperfect and flawed(just like their mom!). This new perspective has given me back the joy that I had totally lost as a mom. Plain and simple? The Connected Families Framework is effective!!  

Want to learn more? Listen to the full story on this podcast

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