How to Be a Safer Parent | Connected Families

We’re excited to share an inspiring story from Bo, a father who, alongside his wife Jen, experienced profound transformation through taking the Discipline That Connects With Your Child’s Heart online course. We believe their journey toward becoming safer, more connected parents offers hope and encouragement for families everywhere.

A safe place. What do you think of when I use that phrase?

The picture I think of is changing. Let me explain.

Our youngest, Isley, is finally asleep in the bed. Eilam, Kale, and Fallon are at the grandparents’ house for a sleepover. It is 10:30 at night, and Jen and I sit on the bedroom floor, open the computer, and prepare to listen to our second class in a course titled Discipline That Connects With Your Child’s Heart. Tonight’s topic: “You are SAFE with me.”

Little did I know I was fixin’ to learn a valuable and practical lesson in that very topic.

A timely lesson in being a safe place

Jen and I had purposely planned for the older three kids to stay at the grandparents’ house. This way we could chat about a few items (work and home stuff) we have been needing to talk about before beginning the course content.

As we sat down to watch the course, the doorbell rang. We both look at each other and say, “It’s Fallon.” She loves the idea of spending the night with grandmommy — but in reality, she usually ends up back at our house. This night, since it was already 10:30, we had thought she was going to make it. Jen got up, and I followed her to the door, about the time Granddaddy handed Fallon to Jen. And what do I see?

I see Granddaddy smiling – as if it’s no big deal that he had to bring her home. I see Jen smiling, and I see Fallon smiling as she hugs her mom.

Now, enter Dad. Fallon saw me, and what once was a smile turned into a scared “I did something wrong” look. Her smile faded, and she hid her head. I could tell from her reaction that my expression was something that spoke this: “What are you doing home? Did you not know I wanted time with your mom? Did you not know you are interrupting our time to learn about parenting?”

I literally said, “Fallon, what are you doing home?” and before I could speak any more words, Jen (this is one of the reasons I love her) interrupts me – looks directly at me – and says, “Fallon, we are glad you are home.” I repeated the words with some other added words I do not remember right now, hoping to make it all better.

Jen took Fallon to the bedroom and snuggled with her for a moment while I got us ready again to watch the parenting course. With Fallon whimpering slightly in the bed, I opened up the computer, and these words leapt off the screen at me, “You are SAFE with me.” I turned and looked at Jen. “How safe does Fallon feel with me right now?” Jen smiled and said very little, but her expression spoke much more.

I understood fully what I needed to do. I closed the computer, climbed on the bed, scooped my precious little girl in my arms, gave her a hug, and took the time to speak to her heart. In the best way I could, I explained my expression and the way I felt, but I also reminded her of this truth: She is always welcome home.

She gave me a hug and a kiss, said “I love you, Daddy,” and rolled over to go to sleep. I sat back on the floor with my wife. She gave me a kiss and said, “Good job, Dad!”

And with that, I learned about being a safe place.

God is our safe place, and based on that reality, I want to be a safe place, too.

The course was great. It was even greater because of the practical application that happened prior to us watching and learning. Truly, this course is allowing Jen and me to open our hearts to each other in deeper, more vulnerable, communicative ways. It is exhilarating and challenging all at the same time, and so worth it!

As Jen and I continue to talk about this topic (and many others), the idea of being “a safe place” goes well beyond parenting. It speaks into marriage and every other relationship. I need a safe place to be me. I need a safe place to express my emotions/feelings. A safe place lets my feelings be validated yet at the same time a safe place is able to speak truth into the situation. A safe place is a place where I can be heard. In being heard, I can be understood (not necessarily agreed with). When I am understood, I feel valued. In being valued, I am known. Heard – understood – valued – known: that is a safe place.

Do I consider God as a safe place?

All of this led me to think about how this applies to my relationship with God.

Can I come to God with arms open, realizing like the psalmist, “God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him. And even though I stand at the edge of the cliff, I will not fear…” (Psalm 46:1-3)?

Many times, sadly, I do not, and based on past experiences (not necessarily with God himself), I visualize God walking into the foyer (like I did with Fallon) and having the same facial expression I had that speaks, “What are you doing here? Why are you interrupting me?”

But that is not how He responds, nor is it His heart. Instead, God:

hears us (Psalm 116:1-2)
understands us (Psalm 139)
values us (Matthew 10:29-31, Isaiah 43:4, John 3:16-18)
knows us (Isaiah 43:1-2, Jeremiah 1:5)

God is our safe place, and based on that reality, I want to be a safe place, too.

Where are they now?

I wrote this blog post in 2015. With children who are now 18, 15, 13, and 10, I can honestly say that neither Jennifer nor I would have the deep connections we share with our kids today without learning to be SAFE.

This is what Connected Families is all about—helping parents become that secure haven for their children, just as God is for us. My story is just one of thousands that have been transformed by this ministry.

Let’s be honest: parenting is hard, but the consistent, intentional effort is worth it. Don’t give up—you’re not alone!

About the Author

Dr. Bo Bryson has owned Trinity Chiropractic in Lincoln, Nebraska, for over 20 years. Dr. Bo has authored 2 books: Create a Trinity Lifestyle and Benefits of the Cross. He lives in Lincoln, NE with his better-half, Jennifer. They have four children (Eilam, Kale, Fallon, and Isley).

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