Tag Archives: where our value comes from

Posted on

Building Wisdom When Kids Want Gifts…and More Gifts

by

Parents love giving their kids good gifts. And kids love receiving them! As we explain in our Entitlement Fix Online Course, the gift-giving experience can be an exciting dopamine burst (our body’s reward/pleasure chemical) for everyone! It can be fun at first, but over time the joy can quickly give way to a sense of entitlement.

Add to the mix a highly sophisticated advertising industry aimed at shaping the values of kids in order to influence their buying habits. One study reported that children under 14 influenced as much as 47% of American household spending. It is estimated that advertisers spend more than $12 billion per year to reach the youth market and that children view more than 40,000 commercials each year. These figures represent dramatic increases over those from the 1970s. They communicate a subtle and troubling message: “You need this toy (or food) to be happy.” These advertisers gauge not only how to shape your kids’ buying habits, but their identity: “You’re the coolest when you have our product!”  

Posted on

Trash, Truth, Treasure

Helping kids turn anger into wisdom

by

When our child gets teased, battered and bullied by another child’s hurtful words, we parents are inclined to step in and fix it by saying things like, “Oh honey, that’s not true.” Or, “You don’t deserve that.” Or maybe we’ll criticize the aggressor (especially if that aggressor is an older sibling). Quick fix responses like this may settle things down in the short-term, but keep parents in the role of managing all the difficult emotions instead of empowering their kids. This article will teach you how to equip your kids to filter through what others say to them and respond wisely instead of cover their hurt feelings with anger.  

We’ve coached many parents how to equip their kids with wisdom to assess the value of what others say to them. You too can help your children learn to place the things others say to them in one of three categories: Trash, Truth and Treasure.

Posted on

Is Your Child Entitled to a Trophy?

by

A young mom queried me intently after our talk on Entitlement in kids. “What do you do about the culture around us that guarantees that every child is a “winner” at participating and receives a trophy, even for last place?”

We commiserated about how rampant this attitude is, that dispenses trophies and stickers and stars and ribbons ad nauseum to make sure no one feels bad, and puts caps and gowns on kindergarteners for conquering a rigorous academic year.

So practically, how can you respond to this widespread attitude of trophy entitlement? Here’s what I told Jill.

Posted on

My Kids’ Messes Drive Me CRAZY!

by

For years I have struggled with the mess that our lively, spontaneous, creative, frequently disorganized children made at high speed. I used to call it “Trash and Dash.”

Since their father has somewhat more “relaxed” standards of housekeeping than I do, household messes were a constant battle in which I felt hurt, alone, and resentful.

Posted on

The Most Important Key to a Child’s Success

by

Pretty much every parent wants their children to succeed in life.

When talking about teaching kids to be successful, parents often want to jump right to tactical issues like chores, homework, respect, and obedience. These are important issues, and we’ve written about them elsewhere. But they are not the most important.

The most important — more important than chores or good grades or even obedience — is that children know who they are and where their value comes from. In other words, what really matter are the messages our kids hear that over time begin to form their identity.

Posted on

What Happens When We Approach Our Kids with an Empty Tank

by

Sometimes, especially when we’re stressed and our tank is on empty, it’s easy to approach kids with our needs instead of a full heart.

We demand the good behavior that “fills our tank” instead of filling them with our love. (I certainly remember doing that!) It can look like paper-thin tolerance or hair-trigger frustration as our expectations aren’t met… like this…

Posted on

The Power of Pain

by

power of pain

Muhammad Taslim Razin | Flickr

 

When we experience difficult circumstances, or when we begin the difficult journey of examining our core beliefs, it’s not usually a pleasant process. In fact, it’s often quite painful.

Digging into deeply entrenched beliefs and habits can bring up feelings of hurt, sadness, anger, loneliness, abandonment — feelings that we often just want to stop feeling.

Sometimes, it somehow seems easier to ignore the problems created by leaving these issues unaddressed, or to hope and pray that God will somehow just take them away. But even when people try to ignore the pain of recurring problems, it remains a primary factor in their relationships and behavior.

Posted on

Where Do Parenting Reflexes Come From?

by

 

On the journey of parenting, many of us find that we have some “typical parenting reflexes” that we default to. Some of this comes from instinct — as when we instinctively move to comfort a crying child. But what about yelling? What about sending kids to their rooms? Where do the rest of our parenting reflexes come from? Let’s take a look at the story of Caryn.

Posted on

Why You Should Teach Your Kids to Break the Rules

by

I grew up being really good at following rules.

As a child (and even as a young adult), I really struggled with having grace for people who either didn’t or couldn’t follow the rules. Kids who did poorly or misbehaved in school, my younger sister who was less “shiny” than I was, non-believers, or even people who just didn’t have it as “together” as I thought they should — I was outwardly humble, but inside I looked down on them with condescension and self-righteousness. Why couldn’t they just follow these simple rules?

Posted on

My Worst Parenting Nightmare…

by

It was every parent’s nightmare – over two hours at the allergist’s office with three young children. The kids and I all took turns alternately getting poked for blood draws, scratched all over our backs and arms for allergy testing, and puffing to check breath levels for asthma. The results? A bountiful diagnosis of asthma and allergies for everyone, with many allergies rated 4+ on the 0-4 scale.

The markers and paper I had brought along lost their appeal about 20 minutes into the two hour process, as my stress level rose to about a 6 on the 0-4 scale!