Category Discipline
One of my favorite parenting videos
At Connected Families we teach that focusing on getting right behavior as your primary goal is a setup for power struggles and frustrations of all kinds. We teach instead to focus primarily on the messages your kids get from you…
The Best Vacation Ever
Tom was worried about taking his family on a short mission trip to a South Dakota Indian reservation. He told me, “We’re really interested in this trip. We think it would be good for us and for our kids. But…
Skiing, Tears, and Grace
At a recent ski meet I found myself twice in tears for people I’ve never met. The first time was when a young competitor “skied out,” meaning he missed a gate and was disqualified from the race. Nearby his parents gasped…
When is defiance better than obedience?
I’ll never forget her statement. I was speaking to a grade-school teacher in a Christian school about behavior problems with her students. In the context of the conversation she actually seemed more upset about the obedient kids than the…
Build Kids Up with Nourishing Affirmation in 30 Seconds
Kids need encouragement. But not all affirmation is created equal! Some affirmation is empty — like popcorn or cotton candy — but nourishing affirmation builds kids up by helping them see how their actions benefit others or build their character.…
Stressful Times Lead to Fertile Hearts
Painting pictures in my mind has been very helpful in my parenting journey. For example, when I’m upset and feel like my head is going to explode I imagine a balloon in my lungs filling and releasing air. When my…
How do I keep from favoring one child over the others?
We received the following question from a parent: Q: What can I do to not show favoritism even when in some sense, certain kids really are my favorites? The favoring of one child over others is common. Sociologists tell us…
Affirmation: The Struggle to Stay Positive [video]
“Stay positive.” It’s almost a cliche at this point. But the parenting truth behind this oft-spoken statement is that kids need constructive affirmation and encouragement from their parents. This might sound simple — but sometimes, affirming our kids can be…
I Can’t Believe My 7-Year-Old Asked That!
I’ll never forget the day our firstborn came home in the fall of second grade with his right index finger moving back and forth through the circle he’d made with his left thumb and forefinger. “What’s this mean, daddy?…
How to Turn Mischief into an Opportunity to Build Wisdom
Becky and her two daughters, six-year-old Brianna and four-year-old Maisie, were at a playdate. The girls were downstairs with an older girl who was bit of a mischievous spitfire. Maisie came up and Becky noticed immediately that her hair had…