3 Steps to Prepare Kids for Holiday Family Gatherings
Prepare your kids for holiday success with these 3 simple steps. Learn how to help children manage emotions, show gratitude, and thrive at family gatherings—without constant correction.
Summary: Prepare your kids for holiday success with these 3 simple steps. Learn how to help children manage emotions, show gratitude, and thrive at family gatherings—without constant correction.
Holiday family gatherings can be a lot of fun, and they can also be chaotic and overstimulating for kids! If you’re wondering how to prepare your child for holiday gatherings (rather than waiting to mete out punishments for misbehavior), spend some time now being thoughtful about how to prepare them for success.
Whether your child loudly proclaims Grandma’s sweet potatoes are YUCKY!, gets out of control when opening presents, or shuts down and withdraws when talking with adults, make a thoughtful plan and weave in plenty of encouragement.
Common Holiday Behavior Challenges for Kids
If you’ve ever witnessed your child melt down at a family gathering or felt embarrassment creep in because of their behavior at the dinner table, you’re not alone. Understanding why kids struggle during holiday events helps you prepare them for success. Here’s a look at several common holiday behavior challenges and “what’s going on inside your child” that might be driving those behaviors.
1. Overstimulation and Sensory Overload
What it looks like: Your child becomes hyperactive, silly, or shuts down completely. They may cover their ears, hide, or have an emotional meltdown.
Why it happens: Holiday gatherings bombard children with noise, crowds, new foods, bright decorations, and disrupted routines. Their developing brains struggle to process all the input, triggering fight-or-flight responses.
Common scenarios:
- Running wild through Grandma’s house
- Refusing to come out from under the table
- Crying or tantrums seemingly “out of nowhere”
2. Gift-Opening Chaos
What it looks like: Your child tears through presents without acknowledging the giver, demands to open “just one more,” or has a meltdown when gift-opening ends.
Why it happens: The excitement of new things triggers dopamine rushes that override their ability to regulate emotions and show gratitude. Young children, especially, struggle to pause and express thanks when their brains are flooded with anticipation.
Common scenarios:
- Ignoring the gift-giver to grab the next present
- Complaining about gifts in front of relatives
- Fighting with siblings over toys immediately after opening
3. Picky Eating and Food Struggles
What it looks like: Your child loudly announces that Thanksgiving dinner is “gross,” refuses to try anything, or only wants rolls and dessert.
Why it happens: Unfamiliar foods, different preparation methods, and pressure to “just try it” in front of relatives intensifies food anxiety. Add disrupted meal schedules and excitement, and you have a recipe for resistance.
Common scenarios:
- “This is YUCKY!” announced across the table
- Refusing to eat anything except bread
- Meltdowns when dessert isn’t served immediately
[To ease holiday mealtime stress, read 7 Practical Tips for Picky Eaters.]
4. Social Anxiety and Withdrawal
What it looks like: Your child clings to you, refuses to talk to relatives, hides in another room, or gives one-word answers when adults ask questions.
Why it happens: Being put on the spot by well-meaning relatives triggers social anxiety, especially for introverted or shy children. They feel pressure to perform but lack the skills or confidence to engage comfortably.
Common scenarios:
- Hiding behind your leg when Aunt Susan wants a hug
- Refusing to answer “How’s school going?”
- Disappearing to play alone rather than joining family activities
5. Sibling Rivalry and Fighting
What it looks like: Your kids bicker constantly, compete for attention, fight over toys, or tattle on each other throughout the gathering.
Why it happens: Disrupted routines, competition for adult attention, and the excitement of new toys create the perfect storm for sibling conflict. Add fatigue and sugar, and tensions escalate quickly.
Common scenarios:
- “She got a better present than me!”
- Physical fights over new toys or games
- Constant interrupting and attention-seeking behavior
6. Exhaustion and Schedule Disruption
What it looks like: Your child becomes increasingly whiny, defiant, or has emotional outbursts over minor issues.
Why it happens: Late nights, skipped naps, irregular meal times, and travel fatigue deplete children’s emotional reserves. When their basic needs aren’t met, their ability to regulate behavior disappears.
Common scenarios:
- Meltdowns at bedtime after a long day
- Defiance over simple requests
- Crying over things that usually wouldn’t bother them
The Good News: You Can Prepare for Success!
Here’s a truth to hold onto this holiday season:
These behaviors are your child’s brain struggling to cope with an overwhelming situation.
Knowing this can help you enter this season with empathy for your child and prepare (coach!) your child outside the moment.
With the three simple steps below, you can set your child up for success and create a truly enjoyable holiday gathering!
1. Identify Your Child’s Holiday Behavior Challenges
At previous gatherings, how has your child struggled? Opening presents like the Tasmanian devil? Hiding under the table? Eating every cookie in sight? What skill does your child need to develop to counteract their challenge area(s), and when have you seen them use that skill in the past? Start your conversation by referring to this past success.
A coaching client, Cheryl, knew that her lively, distractible 7-year-old, Jared, tended to get wound up when opening presents. Leading up to the family gathering, she reminded Jared about other times he had expressed gratitude well in the past.
2. Create a Simple Plan to Help Kids Behave at Family Gatherings
How could you set your child up for success beforehand? A child who struggles with the food at Christmas dinner needs a strategy for how to respond and what they can eat. An extremely timid child could bring a favorite “show and tell” item to start a conversation with other guests.
Cheryl and Jared worked together to make a simple plan to help him stay calm and make gift-opening more enjoyable for everyone. Cheryl smiled gently as she rehearsed the plan again with Jared just before the gathering: “Remember, it’s important to pay attention to keep your body calm. Each time you open a gift, stop and look at the person who gave it to you, and thank them. Then go on to the next gift. If you’re having a hard time, I will sit next to you at first and hand you presents one at a time.”
3. Use Positive Affirmation to Build Self-Control and Gratitude
Later, share an affirmation (or several!) that builds wisdom and positive identity, using the ABCs of Affirmation format.
Here’s what Cheryl’s affirmation of Jared’s good effort sounded like:
A – Action/Attitude: Describe the specific action/attitude to let kids know exactly what they did well, so they can more easily repeat it.
“I enjoyed watching you open gifts.” (Kids love to be noticed.) “You were really careful to stay calm and thank everyone before you went on to the next gift.”
B – Benefit/Blessing: Help them understand how their behavior benefits everyone involved to build wisdom and social awareness.
“That helped to keep all the other kids calm. Those who gave you gifts felt cared about and that you appreciated their gift.”
C – Character: Label the character quality it took to pull that success off! This builds up their positive identity, such as “I am a grateful, self-controlled kid.” Positive identity then becomes the source of more behavior consistent with that identity.
“You really showed gratitude and self-control. Nice work!”
Repeat. Often.
We know, we said three steps… but this part is important: Be prepared to repeat this process numerous times for each issue your child struggles with. Children need a lot of repetition to learn skills and build confidence. Dr. Alan Kazdin, director of the Yale Parenting Center, says that “even when kids understand why something is wrong, they still aren’t more likely to do what’s right the next time.” He tells parents that:
“the key to behavior change is creating opportunities to practice good behavior and following up with praise. Once you get the behavior to happen five times and you enthusiastically praise it five times, you’ll probably begin to notice some progress.”
This holiday season, be proactive about helping your children plan effective strategies to behave appropriately at family gatherings. Not only will it help everyone have a better time, but it will give them gifts that will last far longer than any they’ve opened: the gifts of wisdom and social confidence.
Note: Sometimes Grandma, Grandpa, or aunts and uncles have lots of opinions about how you should deal with your kids when they struggle. If your biggest challenge is relatives who disapprove of your parenting, read how to give practical, grace-filled responses to family members.
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